SWG Tales

Dear Chibi Zannon,

If the average age of the common soldier in WWII was 23, and the average age of the common soldier in vietnam was 19, what's the average age of the common storm trooper?

Nyase wrote:Dear Chibi Zannon,

If the average age of the common soldier in WWII was 23, and the average age of the common soldier in vietnam was 19, what's the average age of the common storm trooper?

What do you mean, Snow or Sand troo--WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

/flies off of bridge.

Dear SD Zannon,

I'm writing you on behalf of many concerned citizens of Nocturnus. We have a problem and we need your advice.

The problem is we can't get our Mayor out of the skies. He hasn't stepped foot on the planet Lok, let alone Nocturnus, in over a month. Occasionally we get comm messages from his starfighter but mostly thats just rants and raves about some frieghter he can't shoot down.

How can we function with our Mayor in space? Do you have any suggestions?

Signed,
Officialess Citizen

Seret Sajet wrote:Dear SD Zannon,

I'm writing you on behalf of many concerned citizens of Nocturnus. We have a problem and we need your advice.

The problem is we can't get our Mayor out of the skies. He hasn't stepped foot on the planet Lok, let alone Nocturnus, in over a month. Occasionally we get comm messages from his starfighter but mostly thats just rants and raves about some frieghter he can't shoot down.

How can we function with our Mayor in space? Do you have any suggestions?

Signed,
Officialess Citizen

Dear Rudderless in Nocturnus,

If you love someone, set them free, if they come back to you, then they're your's, if they don't come back, hire Novall and his Mercs to hunt his ass down and bring him back. Seriously, you'd be suprised how nicely someone serves as a paperweight when they're frozen in carbonite. You do that, I guarantee that his flying days are over...at least until some tart pulls him down off your wall and thaws him out.

Here are some hints that should help Novall and his boys find X'an, should you decide to bring him back down to Terre Firma...

1. He's easy to pick out of a crowd...he's usually the one bitching the loudest.
2. Orange is his favorite color...that's why he's always wearing black and red.
3. He's easiest lured into traps if you bait them with Coke...all other cola products will cause him to pout and avold the trap.

Until he can be brought back to you...you just have to remember one thing:

Although he is gone in spirt, he will always remain in our hearts. The Colonel is dead, but we still enjoy his chicken. Disco is dead, but we can still get down and boogie. You just hae to believe and all will be clear. The path to enlightenment is paved with cow patties...you just have to take off your shoes and let it squish between your toes. It may smell bad, but at least it's warm.

Keep the faith soul brother,

-SDZ

SD Zannon wrote:

Seret Sajet wrote:Dear SD Zannon,

I'm writing you on behalf of many concerned citizens of Nocturnus. We have a problem and we need your advice.

The problem is we can't get our Mayor out of the skies. He hasn't stepped foot on the planet Lok, let alone Nocturnus, in over a month. Occasionally we get comm messages from his starfighter but mostly thats just rants and raves about some frieghter he can't shoot down.

How can we function with our Mayor in space? Do you have any suggestions?

Signed,
Officialess Citizen

Dear Rudderless in Nocturnus,

If you love someone, set them free, if they come back to you, then they're your's, if they don't come back, hire Novall and his Mercs to hunt his ass down and bring him back. Seriously, you'd be suprised how nicely someone serves as a paperweight when they're frozen in carbonite. You do that, I guarantee that his flying days are over...at least until some tart pulls him down off your wall and thaws him out.

Here are some hints that should help Novall and his boys find X'an, should you decide to bring him back down to Terre Firma...

1. He's easy to pick out of a crowd...he's usually the one bitching the loudest.
2. Orange is his favorite color...that's why he's always wearing black and red.
3. He's easiest lured into traps if you bait them with Coke...all other cola products will cause him to pout and avold the trap.

Rotflmao guys.

But just remember, in space, no one can hear you rant, so good luck finding me ;P

Mongo only ponder in game of life.

Jaminos wrote:Mongo only ponder in game of life.

Do you have a question for SDZ or did you just feel like misquoting Blazing Saddles (its pawn not ponder).

By the way it is considered a capital offense on Lok to misquote said film and I hear Nym does nasty, twisty things to your "bits and pieces" when you do that. He REALLY loves that movie. I heard he sends some female bothan doctor to do it too. I wonder which one that is. /thinks

Sorry it is hard to understand him on my speakers but as for Jaminos he only asks questions for himself...He is his own Do jo.

Hey SDZ,

I gotta know man.... how is it that one small Rodian can be too much man for the ladies?

I mean I know you're the coolest and all, but you gotta tell me how you do it!!

-Loyal Geek-
Typhus

Typhus wrote:Hey SDZ,

I gotta know man.... how is it that one small Rodian can be too much man for the ladies?

I mean I know you're the coolest and all, but you gotta tell me how you do it!!

-Loyal Geek-
Typhus

Well SDZ-Wannabe,

It's not easy being this fly. There's a lot of expectation to perform. There's never a time where I can sit back and relax and just say, "Hey baby, let's just cuddle tonight." They all want "THE BIG WANG TANGO" (tm) all the time...if you know what I mean. So, I go about, making my rounds and taking my vitamin E every 5 or 10 minutes. There are some nights that I don't even get to sleep and man am I sore the next day.

As for how I do it, it's a positive mental attitude and the fact that just looking at me can satisfy the sexual appetite of 90% of the women in SWG...it's the other 9.99999999999% that is the challenge (the other .000000000001% represents Dwilah...that ice queen is too hung up on some low life pirate to ever be worthy of my attentions). Well, for that other 9.999999999999%, it's all about pacing and talking dirty...yeah..they love it. Hell, I even turn myself on...I'm just that good at it.

Anyway, if you wanna study from the master, I holotape all my conquests and make them available at www.FLYLIKESDZ.COM. I have a full range of self help tapes that include such topics as "Fingers: Not Just for Noses Anymore", "Your Hips and Her", "They Love When you call it Porking", and "Where the Midget Goes." Stop by and help me help you.

Hot and Bothered,

-SDZ

Dear Wisest SD of them all,

Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?
Where's the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need.

I need a....oh whats the word I'm looking for? Starts with an H. Nah I can't think of it.

Can you help?

Sincerely,
Small, Brown, Furry and filled with Crotch-Biting Fury.

Seret Sajet wrote:Dear Wisest SD of them all,

Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?
Where's the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need.

I need a....oh whats the word I'm looking for? Starts with an H. Nah I can't think of it.

Can you help?

Sincerely,
Small, Brown, Furry and filled with Crotch-Biting Fury.

Dear Dw...Hey, you're not Small, Brown, Furry and filled with Crotch-Biting Fury...you're just some fleshy-headed mutant, that I doubt is friendly...

Anyway...

The good men are all me and I AM a god...just asK the Burbo, he knows.

The street-wise Hercules is now the governor of California.

The knight is now PC and rainbow colored, he also rides an environmentally friendly hybred automobile.

I know what you need....

you need a hero
You're holding out for a hero "til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
You need a hero
You're holding out for a hero "til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life

Thank you...Thank You Very Much,

-SDZ

Because of my tidy looks and good nature, people often ask me to give them huge amounts of credits since they have no jobs of their own. How should I handle this situation SD?

-Out of change in Bestine-

Ringo Montgomery wrote:Because of my tidy looks and good nature, people often ask me to give them huge amounts of credits since they have no jobs of their own. How should I handle this situation SD?

-Out of change in Bestine-

Dear Left With Nothing but Lint,

Shiftless layabouts looking for handouts from the wealthy and/or the government is just a way of life. Lots of people blame the current credit situation on the Empire, but that is simply not true. The fact of the matter is that these downtrodden beggars are nothing more than the byproduct of the Republic...the Republic caused the general masses to become lazy and unmotivated by giving them money through subsidized programs and charity-like grants. Now that the Republic is gone and the Empire has taken control, they have gone so far down the ladder of inactivity that they just sit on the couch all day looking for the handouts they got through the old system.

My advice to you is to tell them to go get jobs...and if they have jobs that don't pay the amount of credits that they need to live, tell them to go find a new job that pays better instead of lamenting about how they don't make enough.

Jeesh!! Those people make me sick!! Sure, I used to make next to nothing, but I never complained about it...I just went out and bettered my position. I just looked at myself and thought, "What can I do all day to make money that I'll never get tired of?" That's when I got my first job as a self-help HoloVid phone line operator...well...that first job really wasn't self help. I mean, the person on the other end was helping themselves, I'm sure...I just had to talk. I think you get my drift. Anyway, then I got into self-help operations and now I own my own company...and the credits just keep rolling in. Watch for my new HoloVid Series this Holiday Season!! "Discovering Your Hips: A Better Tomorrow Through Belly Dancing" is sure to sell out fast, so order your's today!!

-SDZ

Dear SD Zannon,

Is it true your voice sounds like Super Mario (circa 1989 - the Super Mario Brothers Super Show)?

Pisano in Nocturnus