Hi, I'm SD Zannon...

[warsloth]

What in the name of the Gundark is going on here?

That can't be a rodian... just can't.

[SD Zannon]

Hey SD Zannon,

I heard you had a cameo in EPIII, is this true and where were you at in it?

Who did you blow to get a part in the flick????

Dear Inferior Blue Rodian,

Yes it is true I had a small part in EpIII and no I was not forced to perform act of fellacio to get it like you do when searching for you next meal. Which reminds me, those tattooine herpes clear up yet? I hope not.

I was, in fact, Yoda's stunt double. Thats not an easy job, let me tell you. It was always "throw yourself against this wall" and "slam into this ground." I was so bruised and battered afterwards that it hurt to blink.

It didn't help any when Mr. Fancypants Yoda came on the set and smirked whenever I take a hit. I'm giving the tell all truth here and now, Yoda is a primadonna. All he cares about is if his ears are straight and how much botox he should get today. Nothing but "Feel fat I do" and "Believe not J-Lo got the part over me" all day long. That guy has something up his ass and I'm not talking about a puppeteers hand!

Now you know the truth. Keep it on the down-low though, the check hasn't cleared yet.

Beaten and Broken,
SD Zannon

[SD Zannon]

What in the name of the Gundark is going on here?

That can't be a rodian... just can't.

Dear Doubting Rodian,

What's the matter? You can't handle perfection when you see it? I am pure, uncorrupted rodian. I may be small but thats simply because I was created without all the crap that my host, Zannon, had in him. Believe me, there was a lot of it. It was like cleaning a pearl out of a mound of toxic waste, only toxic waste has a better personality.

Look upon me and weep, for the world will never see beauty so personified than the visage of SD Zannon.

Humbly yours,
SD Zan the Man

[Skorixor]

Dear SD Zannon

Since you were in SW:ROTS, can you tell me why amidala is still huge and fat after she had the kids and was dead for a while? That was weird...

[Krusshyk]

Dear SDZannon,

Is it ok for Wookiees to have hairy asses or should I shave that too? I tried shaving the "treasure trail" like you suggested and now I get all the ladies.

Sincerely,
Hairy in Nocturnus

[SD Zannon]

Dear SD Zannon

Since you were in SW:ROTS, can you tell me why amidala is still huge and fat after she had the kids and was dead for a while? That was weird...

Dear Curious Tranny,

The truth is simple.

Thats where Yoda put his stash. He needed someway to excape with it while he fled into hiding. He couldn't carry that much on his own even if he used the force. It was a morbid thing to do but the little guy needed his wacky tabaccy if he was going to survive on a shithole like Degobah.

Now if you'll excuse me the jedi master and I have an...um... meeting.

High on life... and Yoda's stash,
SD Zannon

[SD Zannon]

Dear SDZannon,

Is it ok for Wookiees to have hairy asses or should I shave that too? I tried shaving the "treasure trail" like you suggested and now I get all the ladies.

Sincerely,
Hairy in Nocturnus

Dear Hairy in Noc,

Good green god on a stick, don't touch those clippers! The world does not know when lies beneath a wookiee's ass hair and the world will be a much better place being oblivious to this fact. The horrors that may lie underneath that ass-mane are unfathomable. Do you realize that if you clip even a single hair you could tear the very fabric of time and space itself? Plus you'd put SuperCuts right out of business.

Speaking of clippers, you can't use mine anymore. When I got it back it looked like droid's left arm after a rancor chewed on it. You own me $49.99 by the way.

Stay wooly wookiee,
SD Zannon

[Jaminos]

Dear SDZannon,

Why is that the Ladies love the Ubese and when the Ubese is off the run away even when my face is not deformed. The run away with my Ubese and leave me high and dry. Why is that?

[SD Zannon]

Dear SDZannon,

Why is that the Ladies love the Ubese and when the Ubese is off the run away even when my face is not deformed. The run away with my Ubese and leave me high and dry. Why is that?

Dear Man in the Ubese Mask,

Let me field your questions in two parts.

First, why women love you with the helmet on. You see, with all those gadgets, devices, and doodads you have running in that helmet of yours you give off one MOTHER of an electrostatic field. Its not they find the helmet attractive in any way, its the fact that their neurons are so freaking fried that they think your head is a giant ice cream cone with a kitten on top. That thing should come with a surgeon general's warning on the side. I'm pretty sure three quarters of the men in Nocturnus are sterile now.

Second, why they run from you when you take it off. You probably don't realize this because you wear the helmet so often and you're used it but when you take it off you release the daddy of all helmet funks. It is so bad that I've seen woman run to shove their head up a bantha's ass just to get rid of the smell. You'd think with all the listening devices, voice nullifiers, weapons and food processors you have up there you could at least afford one air freshener. All I know is that is a good damn place for a stickup.

I know this doesn't solve your problem. Maybe you should consider a nice baseball cap?

Stunned by the Funk,
SD Zannon

[Jaminos]

Thank you SDZannon I will add a glaide plugin for the helmet and turn off all the gadgets next to the ladies.

[Zannon]

Dear SD Zannon,

What's your favorite TV show?

Signed,

SDZ-Wannabe

[Ekade]

Dear SD Zannon,

Where have you been? It's been lonely in the Temple. Don't tell me you have been off seeing another Priestess!

Signed,
SDZ Groupie

[SD Zannon]

Dear SD Zannon,

What's your favorite TV show?

Signed,

SDZ-Wannabe

Dear Wannabe,

That is easy, my favorite show by far is Extreme Tusken Challenge. Its a great show where they get a bunch of silly people in costumes and run them through a series of outrageous physical challenges for cash and prizes. The twist is they throw tuskens in the mix to rip off the occassional head or two. Good clean fun... well not clean very bloddy in fact but fun, very fun.

Just the other day there was an episode where this big blue rodian had to run across these giant rollers to get to the other side. He would of made it if the Tusken hadn't crushed his nuts with a gaffi stick. Come to think of it that rodian looked very familiar.

Oh... sorry bud.... how's the stones?

Hoping a speedy nad recovery,
SDZ

[SD Zannon]

Dear SD Zannon,

Where have you been? It's been lonely in the Temple. Don't tell me you have been off seeing another Priestess!

Signed,
SDZ Groupie

Dear Priestess in Purple,

I'd really like to return to the temple and recieve the honor of your teachings but I am afraid I cannot. It just wasn't mean to be. You were great and all, its me not you, but I found another religion and its stolen my heart.

Thats's right, I'm talking about...
Dooo's House of Goddess and Seafood!

Everything you could ever want... shrimp scampi, forgiveness, lobster tail, Quarren suprise, repentance, free busicuits and more! Bring the kids and they'll get free guilt for the sins of their fathers and balloons! Free salvation with every order of cole slaw!

So I'm sorry it had to be this way Priestess. Maybe someday you'll see the light, and the $9.99 special, and join me in eternal bliss. Its mmm mmm good!

Missin' the Temple,
SDZ

[Zannon]

Dear SDZ,

Is it true that you gained over 200 lbs so that you could be the stand-in for Violet Beauregard when she turns into the blueberry in the new Willy Wonka re-make and now you can't get rid of the extra weight? I hear you're now so big that you have to buy THREE seats when you take a shuttle.

Signed,

SDZ Hater