Hi, I'm SD Zannon...

[SD Zannon]

Dear SDZ,

Is it true that you gained over 200 lbs so that you could be the stand-in for Violet Beauregard when she turns into the blueberry in the new Willy Wonka re-make and now you can't get rid of the extra weight? I hear you're now so big that you have to buy THREE seats when you take a shuttle.

Signed,

SDZ Hater

Dear Hater,

Boy you sure write me a lot these days. What's the matter? Not getting any bothan lovin' at home so you gotta come crying to me every 5 minutes? Gonna have to start charging you hourly rates.

But just because I think you're pathetic doesn't mean I won't answer your question. No, I'm afraid that wasn't me. That is in fact Corey Haim but I hear he didn't have to gain a thing, he already had the tubbage.

Speaking of big blue things has the swelling gone down from that gaffi accident of yours yet? I hear you look like your smuggling a ewok in your pants these days.

Lovin' the Hater,
SDZ

[Skorixor]

Dear SD Zannon,

in this day and age of summer blockbuster movies, with expensive budgets, and CG sequences, why does the Thing from this summer's Fantastic Four movie look like a reject from 70's B-movie horror flick?


Ro'ger E-bert of Nocturnus

[Nutrinous]

Yo SDZ!!

What's shaking my man? I was just scopin' out my social calendar and I got no plans tonight. With so many fine ass things going on around Gorath, what event do you suggest I hang at. Granted, I'm all about the fly bitches, so keep that in mind when you answer.

Lookin' for some Friday night lovin,


NUTZ

[SD Zannon]

Yo SDZ!!

What's shaking my man? I was just scopin' out my social calendar and I got no plans tonight. With so many fine ass things going on around Gorath, what event do you suggest I hang at. Granted, I'm all about the fly bitches, so keep that in mind when you answer.

Lookin' for some Friday night lovin,


NUTZ

Dear Nutz,

Nut you are half and idiot and that's the good half. I paid you good credits to rub out a certain "larger than me" blue rodian and make my life complete but you seem to lack the mental capacity to see this task through. How hard is it to rub out a stringy, bothan-stealing waste of carbon like him? Do I have to pin a note on your jacket to remind you?

But because I'm a nice guy I'm going to help you find that big bang party you want so much. Don't worry there will be plenty of female companions for you to stalk. In fact I told two of the hottest Twi'lek girls you've ever seen that you were coming and they are all excited.

Just meet them on Tattooine at the coordinates -6169, -3387. When you see a big hole in the sand just jump down it. Its a very secret and underground club that they disguised as a creature with rows of sharp teeth and a razor-spiked tongue where people assume they will be digested for a 1000 years but that's just a front. The made it look that way so posers turn away. Go... enjoy yourself. I'll see you there a little later.

You might want to bring something to read.

-S to the D to the Zizzle my Zabrizzle.

[warsloth]

Where to start...

How do you answer emails with boxing gloves on your hands?

sincerely,

Z's stunt double


(P.S. Im his body double too... sorry dwilly)

[sharn]

dear sdz

im wondering.

when im in the cantina at mos eisley the torm troopers tend to come right for me and wont stop talking. then when i punch them they fall down right away. but if my friend shoots them in the noggin with his blaster they get annoyed and shoot back. why do i get away with it?

chick in bikini armor

[SD Zannon]

Where to start...

How do you answer emails with boxing gloves on your hands?

sincerely,

Z's stunt double


(P.S. Im his body double too... sorry dwilly)

Dear Stunt D,

The answer is simple... telepathy. I won't bother to explain the dynamics of how much brain capacity I've been able to unlock due to my bio engineering many years ago but I will say this.... I just took a stroll through YOUR noggin and I gotta say I need a shower. I mean, how many hours in a day can one think about wookies doing THAT? I'm not going back in that mind of yours without protection I'll tell ya that.

Sincerely yours (stop it, that wookiee is underage),
SDZ

[SD Zannon]

dear sdz

im wondering.

when im in the cantina at mos eisley the torm troopers tend to come right for me and wont stop talking. then when i punch them they fall down right away. but if my friend shoots them in the noggin with his blaster they get annoyed and shoot back. why do i get away with it?

chick in bikini armor

Dear CiBA,

Well it could be one of two things. It could because it makes they think its cute when you call them "torm troopers" or because.... and I'm just speculating here.... you are a CHICK in BIKINI ARMOR! I mean imagine you're the Empire's elite regiment of Storm Trooper. You work 80 hours weeks, you're the lowest rung on the Imperial ladder and the closest thing you get that resembles a women is covered in hard and sounds like its gargling with silly putty. Then, out of the blue (or green, or purple, whatever turns you on), a fine honey comes in off the streets and gives you the eye. You're all decked out in armor that shows off your pecks even if you don't have them and you're feeling GOOD about yourself.

Then she strolls up to you, flashes a smile and BAM jacks you upside your head with fist full of hate. You're not just hurt physically but emotionally as well so you fall like a young jedi down a cloud city shaft.

So the next time you want to one-two-punch a "Tormie" just consider his feelings for a moment. Then just kick him in the nuts, its pretty much the same thing.

Peace (we still on for Friday night by the way?),
SDZ

[warsloth]

Well, I cant help it, the image of them cleaning the shower drain is a haunting one...

[sharn]

you know it little man my yt or yours?

[Dwilah]

Dear SD Zannon,

I seem to only attract Rodian males, what with you trying to steal me back, Whar trying to BE Zannon (we caught him trying on Zan's lingerie once), and I even only get those oh-so-suggestive winks from the RODIAN musicians when I head to the pub. What is it about fur that attracts you boys? Does the fur remind you of the hunt? I know that's a big deal on your planet.

Signed,

Thrilled by Frills

[warsloth]

ok, ok... I was just making sure I was still the right size. I would love to chat with you guys later, but I have an apointment to have my frills done with orange highlights.

Who can blame me though, every woman wants him, every guy wants to be him... face the facts.

[sharn]

i dont even know him..

for some reason i attract the guys with big red lightsabers. oh and the occasional girl