Addressing Dwilah's questions
PostedTue Nov 01, 2005 8:38 pm
Since the other thread was locked and since I would like to continue to address Dwilah's questions.
At the end of each exercise, communication between the participants do not stop. Each partner express his or her true feelings about the other, to them. If anything was said that still has one of the partners upset, each should make certain that they discuss it immediately.
A flaming post is noise. So, do not respond to verbal assaults. Instead, stay focused on the goal of the message you are trying to communicate.
Elements in Communication:
Interpersonal communication includes at least the following elements:
1 - A transmitter. Someone who wants to send information or a concept to someone else.
2 - A receiver. Someone who will receive the information or a concept from the transmitter.
3 - The message. The information or concept the transmitter wants to send.
4 - Noise. Anything that interferes or causes the deletion, distortion or generalization of the exact replication of information being transmitted from the mind of the transmitter to the mind of the receiver.
5 - Feedback. Both the sender and receiver constantly elicit feedback to the other person.
6 - Replication. The duplication of understanding in one person that is in the mind of another person. Replication is an approximate goal and philosophically not perfectly possible, though desired.
7 - Understanding. An approximation of what the message means to the sender by the receiver.
Excellent communication is the ability to transmit a message by the sender to a receiver and have that message replicated in the receiver's mind.
Excellent communication is the ability to receive a transmitted message by the sender and have the receiver be able to replicate the form and intent of the message in the receiver's mind.
If the receiver is uncertain about some aspect of a communication, it is the responsibility of the receiver to clarify the communication through the use of questions.
The transmitting communicator also accepts the responsibility for the result of a communication. This means the transmitter must be certain to code a communication so it is received in a manner that is understandable to the receiver.
Outcome Based Thinking:
Outcome based thinking entails knowing what your objective is before entering into a task. It is difficult to effectively communicate if you do not know what you want.
1 - What precisely do I want out of the process?
2 - What does the other person want? If I/they don't know, what are they likely to want?
3 - What is the least I will accept out of the process?
4 - What problems could come up in the process?
5 - How will I deal with each problem, and if possible, resolve the problem to BENEFIT the other person as well?
6 - How will I bring the process to a conclusion?
Personal Values:
Values differ from person to person and even when people have the same values, their priorities can differ. Two people may each have health and love as extremely important values. One of the people may have love as the most important value, the other could have health. This can have a dramatic effect of these two individuals goals. Learning the values of other people and how they prioritize them is therefore essential to being an effective communicator.
Some questions you can ask yourself as well as the person you are trying to communicate with.
1 - What is most important thing to you about X?
2 - How do you know when you have gotten X?
3 - What's the next most important thing to you about X?
4 - What else is important to you about X?
Closure in Communication:
Closure is the ability to acknowledge the other person and confirm that what was said was understood politely and effectively. Closure is the final step in any segment or cycle of communication. Everyone has experienced communication that did not "end." Someone walked out of a room, hung up the phone, switched subjects in mid-conversation without explaining why, etc.
When complete cycles of communication are not accomplished, it leaves the person with tremendous frustration and often anger. Always be certain to have closure in communication by acknowledging that you have heard and understood what a person has said to you. It is not necessary to agree with someone if you are not prepared to. It is necessary to close each cycle of communication.
As Ekade stated, people are interested in new posts only. The best way, I think, is to refer to them often in the current active threads. Don't just quote, provide the link as well. Make access as easy as possible.Dwilah wrote:--How can we make the RP guidelines the community as a whole approved more visible within the community?
--Would it help to have the Guidelines stickied at the top of every forum for easy access and reminders?
--How should the community actively use the Guidelines to promote positive and good RP, without scaring off new and future members?
From some of the Materials I have here at work. Here are some of the exercises to handle confrontational and evasive situations. They are designed help a person stay focused on the task regardless of the noise ( see #4 below under "Elements in Communication" ).Dwilah wrote:--How can the community actively use the Guidelines in the same way, only to deal with violators of the Guidelines that act on impulse already within the community...without flaming and attacking?
The purpose of these exercises is to teach the ability remain focused on the goal of the message after being assaulted, ignored or a new direction taken. The partner is at a distance of 18-48 inches, invading the comfort zone of most people and sitting directly across from you in a very confrontational manner.Instigation Deflection-
Sit across from your partner at a distance of 18-48 inches. In this exercise, you will sit and listen to your partner attempt to harm you emotionally with his words. He has two minutes to go on a verbal rampage against you. He can say anything he wants, using any tone of voice he wants. His objective is to get you to argue or disagree with him. You successfully accomplish this exercise if you remain silent during the entire two minute time period and maintain eye or face contact without looking away. If you laugh or talk, you must start over.
Answer my question-
Sit between 18 and 48 inches across from your partner. Ask them a specific question.
"Do dogs meow?"
You are going to say, "thank you," when your partner answers you with "no." However the partner can choose not to respond, change the subject or ask you the question back instead of answering your question with a no. Your partner may do this four times for each of these four questions. He must give you a straight "no" answer on or before the fifth time you ask, "do dogs meow."
You succeed if you only say, "Do dogs meow?" after each non-responsive answer and when you say "thank you" to the correct answer to the question.
The other three questions are these:
"Are mailmen all women?"
"Do birds eat sharks?"
"Can you walk on water?"
The correct answer to all the questions is "no," and you must eventually elicit a no response from your partner. You may only use the words in the original question. This is how you succeed. No time limit is necessary, but each question should take no more than two minutes.
At the end of each exercise, communication between the participants do not stop. Each partner express his or her true feelings about the other, to them. If anything was said that still has one of the partners upset, each should make certain that they discuss it immediately.
A flaming post is noise. So, do not respond to verbal assaults. Instead, stay focused on the goal of the message you are trying to communicate.
Elements in Communication:
Interpersonal communication includes at least the following elements:
1 - A transmitter. Someone who wants to send information or a concept to someone else.
2 - A receiver. Someone who will receive the information or a concept from the transmitter.
3 - The message. The information or concept the transmitter wants to send.
4 - Noise. Anything that interferes or causes the deletion, distortion or generalization of the exact replication of information being transmitted from the mind of the transmitter to the mind of the receiver.
5 - Feedback. Both the sender and receiver constantly elicit feedback to the other person.
6 - Replication. The duplication of understanding in one person that is in the mind of another person. Replication is an approximate goal and philosophically not perfectly possible, though desired.
7 - Understanding. An approximation of what the message means to the sender by the receiver.
Excellent communication is the ability to transmit a message by the sender to a receiver and have that message replicated in the receiver's mind.
Excellent communication is the ability to receive a transmitted message by the sender and have the receiver be able to replicate the form and intent of the message in the receiver's mind.
If the receiver is uncertain about some aspect of a communication, it is the responsibility of the receiver to clarify the communication through the use of questions.
The transmitting communicator also accepts the responsibility for the result of a communication. This means the transmitter must be certain to code a communication so it is received in a manner that is understandable to the receiver.
Outcome Based Thinking:
Outcome based thinking entails knowing what your objective is before entering into a task. It is difficult to effectively communicate if you do not know what you want.
1 - What precisely do I want out of the process?
2 - What does the other person want? If I/they don't know, what are they likely to want?
3 - What is the least I will accept out of the process?
4 - What problems could come up in the process?
5 - How will I deal with each problem, and if possible, resolve the problem to BENEFIT the other person as well?
6 - How will I bring the process to a conclusion?
Personal Values:
Values differ from person to person and even when people have the same values, their priorities can differ. Two people may each have health and love as extremely important values. One of the people may have love as the most important value, the other could have health. This can have a dramatic effect of these two individuals goals. Learning the values of other people and how they prioritize them is therefore essential to being an effective communicator.
Some questions you can ask yourself as well as the person you are trying to communicate with.
1 - What is most important thing to you about X?
2 - How do you know when you have gotten X?
3 - What's the next most important thing to you about X?
4 - What else is important to you about X?
Closure in Communication:
Closure is the ability to acknowledge the other person and confirm that what was said was understood politely and effectively. Closure is the final step in any segment or cycle of communication. Everyone has experienced communication that did not "end." Someone walked out of a room, hung up the phone, switched subjects in mid-conversation without explaining why, etc.
When complete cycles of communication are not accomplished, it leaves the person with tremendous frustration and often anger. Always be certain to have closure in communication by acknowledging that you have heard and understood what a person has said to you. It is not necessary to agree with someone if you are not prepared to. It is necessary to close each cycle of communication.
