SWG Tales

My number 1 crappy present I always hated getting was scratch off Lottery Tickets...

"here ya go kid, you could win thousands!"

and after scratching many tickets for many minutes, all your left with is maybe a dollar and all the silver scratchings all over you

A lump of coal and a pat on the head from one of our drunken uncles.

Made me not mind getting socks for at least one Christmas.

I got a heated ice scraper thats cord wasn't long enough to reach outside my truck, not to mention it was about a foot long and I have a full-size truck.

Oh and in the same package were some used books about gardening. I barely mow my grass.

The people that sent this to me have never visited us or even seen pictures of my home. So I don't think it was a hint, they are just retarded.

My mom got my wife and I a yard thingie. Not a gnome, but some kinda statue of a kid fishing or some shit. You know how you're supposed to just smile and say "thank you"? Well, Ma has been thrusting her tastes on us for about 10 years now. I told her it just wasn't us. We didn't take it so it joined the other statues in her yard. I'm a bastard.

Oh yeah, same year, same gift giver...

My father-in-law opens his gift and it is a used book "How to succeed in business, FOR WOMEN"

Now they have reached the pinnacle of Fucktopia.

A pair of socks with a little electronic organ stitched inside that played Jingle Bells. No lie. It was like something straight out of a Christmas comedy movie.

The giver was one of those people who are Christmas "over-doers". Now while I do believe that a gift is a gift and the holiday isn't about material, those socks sucked all year round. No matter what the occasion. If it's got a snow sled, reindeer, Santa, etc. picture slapped on it does NOT mean it's tasteful. Laf

I'm expecting a pair of Porky Pig Dancing Leprechaun Shoes for St. Patrick's Day.

Dang... that lump of coal seemed far more useful somehow now.

One year a friend of mine who was trying to convert me in to a Goth like himself gave me a certificate for a free ear piercing that he drew in magic marker by himself and wrapped up.

To this day I have yet to get a hole punched in my body.

Jabe

This year I got the NGE

Hashum wrote:This year I got the NGE

Some of us refused that.

Hashum wrote:This year I got the NGE

hehehehehehehehe...pause...hehehehehehehe

Gift Certificate to a gunshop owned by a wierdo. Urban legend has it, he will let his "parts" hang out behind the display case. He never bathes and the place smells like stale B.O.

That's what I get for saying "just get me 9mm bullets."

warsloth wrote:Gift Certificate to a gunshop owned by a wierdo. Urban legend has it, he will let his "parts" hang out behind the display case. He never bathes and the place smells like stale B.O.

That's what I get for saying "just get me 9mm bullets."

You run a gun shop?

Jabe

who? X'an?

A dress.

Usually I don't mind clothes, but it's nice if they fit me (at all) and aren't a giant crushed pink velvet monstrosity with poofy sleeves made out of that netting material, in the same color.
With matching pink shoes.
And hair accesories.
And a purse.

Let's not even add the fact that I haven't worn anything dressy in the past ooo..year and a half.