A word from the Governater

[KirtViza]

> > Der New 2005 California State Employee Handbook
>
> > By Arnold Schwarzenegger
>
> >
>
> > SICK DAYS
>
> >
>
> > Ve vill no longer accept a doktor's shtatement as proof of
> sickness. If you are able to go to the doktor, you are able to come to
> verk.
>
> >
>
> > PERSONAL DAYS
>
> >
>
> > Each employee vill receive 104 personal days a year. Dey are
> called Saturday and Sunday.
>
> >
>
> > LUNCH BREAK
>
> >
>
> > Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more,
> so that dey can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for
> lunch to get balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people
> get 5 minutes for lunch, because dat's all der time needed to drink der
> Shlim Fast.
>
> >
>
> > DRESS CODE
>
> >
>
> > It is advised that you come to verk dressed according to your
> salary. If ve see you vearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600
> Gucci Bag, ve assume you are doing vell financially and derefore you do
> not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
> money better, so dat you may buy nicer clothes, and derefore you do not
> need a raise. If you dress in-betveen, you are right vere you need to be
> and derefore you do not need a raise.
>
> >
>
> > BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
>
> >
>
> > Dis is no excuse for missing verk. Dere is notting you can do
> for dead friends, relatives, or co-verkers. Every effort should be made
> to have non-employees attend to da arranchments. In rare cases vere
> employee involvement is necessary, da funeral should be scheduled in da
> late afternoon. Ve vill be glad to allow you to vork troo your lunch
> hour and subsequently leave vone hour early.
>
> >
>
> > RESTROOM USE
>
> >
>
> > Entirely too much time is being spent in da restroom. Dere is
> now a shtricht 3-minute time limit in der shtalls. At der end of tree
> minutes, an alarm vill sound, der toilet paper roll vill retract, the
> shtall door vill open and a picture vill be taken. After your second
> offense, your picture vill be posted on der company bulletin board under
> da "Chronic Offenders" category.
>
> >
>
> > Tank you for your loyalty to our great shtate. Ve are here to
> provide a positive employment experience.
>
> >
>
> > Tank you, DER GOVERNATER
>
>
>