SWG Tales

Ekade wrote:Dear SD Zannon,

Is your doghouse smaller than Zannon's? Or is it the same size in order to fit your bulbous melon?

- In the Doghouse

Dear House of the Dog,

You assume too much. The only person in Zannon's doghouse is me, and thats cause I decorated the place so nice. Don't go giving yourself that credit. The only other person that gets a shot at the Doghouse Time Share is Dooo. He's the king of Zannon Doghouse. You, my fair purple lady, haven't even stepped into the yard.

Doghouse-sitter,
SD Zannon

Skarr wrote:Dear Lazy AsSD Zannon,

why is taking so long for you to reply to your questions? Is there a rodian Porn-fest on the holonet and you can't drag yourself away from it? What gives?

Impatient in Nocturnus

Dear Impatient,

Sorry, I was eating Dinner at Ruby's.
(See my last reply to Jorhel's post)

Stop by, I hear she's running low on mea..... I mean she's love to have you.

Full and Happy,
SD Zannon

Yo, SDZ! I've tried to keep this on the humble, but it's stressin' me, son!

That clown slug-flea picker Salacious Crumb has been talkin' mad trash about you in Jabba's Palace, man. Sayin' how you fell off since you shinin' in your own Forum Thread. Sayin' you don't kick it with your old crew no more, sip sideways on weak drinks, and slobber all over the Gabaki before you puff 'n pass.

He said that you can't even come in your own 'hood anymore on Rodia without gettin' ran for your jewels and shoes!

What's really good, SDZ!? I think you need to approach his Kowakian Monkey Lizard ass on some open-handed slap to the throat sh1t!

Hey, I ain't the one to signify, but when the crap's revealed scalp's get peeled and that's the deal.

Therefore, say no more.

- Well Known Tone, representin' for the Fast Blast clique.

Keer wrote:Yo, SDZ! I've tried to keep this on the humble, but it's stressin' me, son!

That clown slug-flea picker Salacious Crumb has been talkin' mad trash about you in Jabba's Palace, man. Sayin' how you fell off since you shinin' in your own Forum Thread. Sayin' you don't kick it with your old crew no more, sip sideways on weak drinks, and slobber all over the Gabaki before you puff 'n pass.

He said that you can't even come in your own 'hood anymore on Rodia without gettin' ran for your jewels and shoes!

What's really good, SDZ!? I think you need to approach his Kowakian Monkey Lizard ass on some open-handed slap to the throat sh1t!

Hey, I ain't the one to signify, but when the crap's revealed scalp's get peeled and that's the deal.

Therefore, say no more.

- Well Known Tone, representin' for the Fast Blast clique.

Dear Well-Known,

<Ahem> Let me clear my throat....

Diggity-Damn Keer-Dog why you gotta sweat me like dat? Dat Salacious punk ain't sheeeet up in my hood.

I was chillin' at Jabba's crib just the other dizzay when that punk rolled up on me.

He was like, "SDZ you ain't nuffin but a punk ass bitch."
And I was all like, "Hell no I know you ain't all up in my grill talkin' dat trash
And he was like, "And you know dis punk whatchoo gonna do?"
And I was like "You betta chiggity-check yo self before you riggity-wreck yo self."
And would you believe that foo pulled a FWG-Gat on my ass and I was like "Aw hell naw" and I pulled my Tech-9XR on 'em and smoked dat fool.

When he got up he was like "Dang that's some whack-ass sheeet."
And I was like "Bring it foo you ain't nuthing but a Kowakian bitchass."
And walked off all smug n' sheeet and I blew him off, got on my pimped out speeder with the 10 inch replusors and tore out dat bitch.

<Ahem> ok as I was saying. It jus goes to show that lesser lifeforms show no respect for intelectuals like me. When adversity comes your way and someone less evolved than you lays stryfe at your doorstep there is only one thing you can do.

Smoke dat bitch and go get you a fine ass Bothan honey like it ain't no thang.

Chillin' in the Nocturnal Hood,
SDZ

Dear Lazy SD Zannon,

since when are you too tired to even write your own garbage, you gotta get some chump to ghost write it for you?

Dear Nameless,

It was late and I asked my dear friend Seret to post my reply for me. Seems some silly Trandosian was getting impatient for my replies.

Thats ok though, I hear the trandosian is really a mon calimarian trapped in a lizards body. At night he swims in the river near Nocturnus and calls for his mommy. Sad, very sad.

For Realz this time,
SD Zannon

Dear SDZ:

I have the problem of being a compasionate bounty hunter. It seems that all the other bounty hunters are constantly mocking me for not being ice cold. And then on the other hand it seems all the women in my life can't stand me being a bounty hunter. Is there no hope for me?

Sincerely
Compasionate Killer

Hashum wrote:Dear SDZ:

I have the problem of being a compasionate bounty hunter. It seems that all the other bounty hunters are constantly mocking me for not being ice cold. And then on the other hand it seems all the women in my life can't stand me being a bounty hunter. Is there no hope for me?

Sincerely
Compasionate Killer

Dear Comp Killer,

The path of a bounty hunter is a lonely one indeed. When do you find the time to enjoy a social life AND prove your mettle to your peers? Well here is the answer.

When your peers give you a hard time about your compasionate behavior just burn off their faces with an LLC. I know what you're saying, "but SD Zannon, thats not compasionate!" I beg to differ. By taunting someone with such a dangerous profession you are asking to be released from your own bleak life. Give them that release.

And when the ladies come around and give you a hard time about your profession, once again, burn their faces off with the trust Light Lightning Cannon. I know, I know, why would you treat the ladies so harshly? Well, keep in mind you business is dangerous. Many people may want you dead. What better way then to get close to romantically. Don't be a sucker, you're better that. Especially look out for purplse dancers. Best burn their faces twice, for good measure.

Now, after you've burned a lot of faces you're all set up with a cavalcade of interesting stories. When you do find the perfect woman, before you can chat for hours and hours. You can share all of your hopes and dreams. Nothing will be in your way now, because you went on a burning spree so they won't mess with you. Just enjoy your soulmate.

But keep your LLC close at hand.... just in case.

Lovin' em and Burnin' em,
SDZ

Dear SD Zannon,

So i was at the Midnight Casino last night working security, and my boss Skarr and Seret were being such pricks. They kept saying, "Typh...umm, I mean...George get back to work!" So I said "screw them" and decided to go hunt for some tail instead. I must have hit on every female in the room, but they all home with other dudes. All I want is to be loved and make a baby, can you help me?

Lonely on Lok

Dear SD Me

Why is it when I go out on hunts, I die one horrible death after another? I am always getting wasted, while others barely get touched. Why is this? I don't enjoy the cloning center at all.

Your mirror image

Skarr wrote:Dear SD Zannon,

So i was at the Midnight Casino last night working security, and my boss Skarr and Seret were being such pricks. They kept saying, "Typh...umm, I mean...George get back to work!" So I said "screw them" and decided to go hunt for some tail instead. I must have hit on every female in the room, but they all home with other dudes. All I want is to be loved and make a baby, can you help me?

Lonely on Lok

Dear Lonely,

Ah poor Typh....I mean George. I witnessed your poor play with women while shirking your duties of a security staff member at the casino. I was hiding under Ekade's dress, I could see ever failed attempt at love, every women who failed to notice you, ever lekku that slapped you in the face.

My suggestion is to give up on these women, they are obviously out of your league. Why not try a Nightsister instead. They don't talk much, they're independant and they are hellcats in the sack. Though if you go that route I suggest learning to be a doctor first. Things can get messy in the bedroom.

Best of Luck,
SDZ

Skarr wrote:Dear SD Me

Why is it when I go out on hunts, I die one horrible death after another? I am always getting wasted, while others barely get touched. Why is this? I don't enjoy the cloning center at all.

Your mirror image

Dear Non-SD me,

That is because you are too pretty for battle. With faces like ours we have no business being in firefights. Our skin is too delicate, our features are too defined and our physiques are too dainty.

We belong on the cover of Naboo Fashion or Studs of Lok, not some vile dungeon with crazed creatures and mercenaries a plenty.

Give up these need for violence and go back to what you do best, wooing the bothan ladies and stealing shuttles. Though I worn you, that exsquisite little bothan girl you have on your arm will soon be in more capable hands.

Best of luck girly man,
SDZ

Dwilah wrote:

SD Zannon wrote:

Dwilah wrote:Dear SD Zannon,

Can you recommend a good day spa in Kaadara?

-Dwilah

Dear Sweet Thang Dwilah,

Why I can do better than that, my dear. I can take you there.
I know you tire of the "Tall Zannon" and his one-track-pirate ways. Let a real Rodian show you a wonderful time.

Near Kaadara is a wonderful place called "Spa Wars." They have the best service, great food, and the best Saarlac Spa I have every been in. Just bring a blaster.

And leave that other Blue Rodian home. This trip is just for you and me. If you want I'll lock him in his structure factory again. He's such a sap for when I leave food in there.

And one more thing.... those twins meant nothing to me.

All my affection,
SD Zannon

Dear SD Zannon,

With your shorter stature, is there any reassurance that preformance is better than "taller Zannon" to make up for any...other...stature defficiencies?

-Dwilah

Dear Furry & Lovely,

I'm sorry I missed your question. I get so many that some fall to the wayside. I would never intenstionally ignore such a inquiry, especially from a goddess like yourself.

The common misconception is that I am a clone of Zannon a fraction of his size. This is not true. I am actually more of his opposition, everything that he is not. While he is a rich, brutish, and unkept pirate I am a refined intellectual powerhouse.

So taking this in to account, Zannon is what the people of the Tatooine Sector call "Kreetle Size" while I'm desctibed more often as "Little man packing Bantha parts."

Get the drift?

;)

Special regards,
SD Zannon

SD Zannon wrote:So taking this in to account, Zannon is what the people of the Tatooine Sector call "Kreetle Size" while I'm desctibed more often as "Little man packing Bantha parts."

Get the drift?

;)

Special regards,
SD Zannon

Oh my.

Oh my my my.

....are you free to fly out Thursday?

-Dwilah

SD Zannon,

Is it true that you talk just like Super Mario as featured on the Super Mario Brothers Super Show?

Curious From the Grave