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PostedFri Apr 08, 2005 3:05 am
by Jerrel
Skorixor wrote:The line was just repetitive. Changed to:
"as the merciless rain pounds the unyielding roof."
unyielding isnt necessary...the only way a roof yields is to a missile blast...a roof never yields to rain...it's a fact that doesn't need further adjectives to explain it...it makes the sentence sound awkward
LOL man you've never been in a LA Unified school building have you.
Any way I changed it to shambled to give a better idea of the somewhat rundowned Outer Rim bar.
PostedFri Apr 08, 2005 4:55 am
by Skorixor
Iri wrote:Skorixor scares me.....
is it my handsome good looks, or my good grasp of the english language?
and believe me I'm going EASY on ole jerrel...you should hear what my wife, the college english professor, is saying...
PostedFri Apr 08, 2005 12:30 pm
by Isleh
Skorixor wrote:Iri wrote:Skorixor scares me.....
is it my handsome good looks, or my good grasp of the english language?
and believe me I'm going EASY on ole jerrel...you should hear what my wife, the college english professor, is saying...
Hey, anytime she wants to spend the time and critique my writting, she is welcome to it.
Just be kind and send it in a PM.
PostedFri Apr 08, 2005 10:48 pm
by Rebecca
Iri wrote:Skorixor scares me.....
Agreed.
PostedFri Apr 08, 2005 11:04 pm
by Ekade
Rebecca wrote:Iri wrote:Skorixor scares me.....
Agreed.
I would comment, but I am afraid to.